The lil gut that could

I've gone back and forth about writing this post. I've written half of what I wanted to say and then deleted the whole thing a couple times. But here goes....

For most of my life I've always been skinny fat. Not having to do jack shit to keep a lean figure. In high school, I was a semi-active but the amount of shitty food I consumed, I really should have been severely overweight. I mean...I used to enjoy CiCi's pizza on the regular...I now shudder just thinking about it.

Now the slap in the face for me was when I left for college. I just kept doing the same thing I always did...except it involved eating pure shit later..like 3am and not being active at all and throwing in the consumption of alcohol. I gained weight..and fast! I put on about 15-20 pounds by Thanksgiving. It was pure unhealthy weight gain and I looked awful. I looked bloated and because of my petite frame and "apple" shape...It was just fat face/arms/stomach. No matter how much weight I gain, I always have lil chicken legs. I stayed overweight for the remainder of college.

I truly think my weight gain was a combination of unhealthy lifestyle and severe unhappiness. I moved back home and the weight literally started falling off of me. Because of this, I wanted to keep the weight loss going, so I actually started working out and trying to eat better.

The funny thing about being bigger for awhile and then losing weight...you never truly believe you'll stay that way. It took me a long time to finally buy new clothes. And even when I did...I was still buying things a little oversized, just in case. Now at that time, I was in okay shape. As good as just doing the elliptical for 30-45 minutes and a few strength training exercises. Soooo...okay-ish.

As you know, doing the same exercise for an extended period will make you plateau and stop seeing results. Well this happened and it annoyed me and rather than changing it up, I just quit. Yup.

In the next few years, I would half attempt an exercise routine and not soon after completely abandon it. And then look in the mirror and push on my fat and complain. Yes, I was that annoying girl...

2 years ago, I started going through a divorce and moved to NC to live with my sister to get back on my feet. I knew she was really getting into fitness and nutrition but I didn't pay any mind because I was going through tons of shit. Well that all changed when I moved in with her. She really motivated me to change my lifestyle. I mean, my routine was obviously not working in soooo many ways. At first, I started doing crossfit with her, but after I got a full time job, I couldn't go when she did. So I stopped everything again altogether.

After a few months of working my ass off and saving money to move into my own place, I realized I was getting chubby again. This was definitely from a combination of not exercising and working at a restaurant. So...I joined a gym and when I finally moved into my own place, I started running in my neighborhood. I also changed my diet---which just meant not eating crazy bad for you food.

My exercise routine still fluctuates with being consistent and just saying fuck it and not working out for 2-3weeks. But, I think that's just who I am. I can't give myself a hard time anymore. At least, I get motivation and sometimes it lasts much longer than expected. The biggest change I've made in the last few months has been the way I eat. And it all started because I was annoyed by the fact that when I did in fact exercise consistently, my figure didn't change that much---which really and will always mean, my stomach still sucked!(the forever nemesis of an apple shaped person)

I started clean eating. But I'm not a crazy clean eater. I still do little things from time to time that aren't considered clean eating--i.e., beer/regular peanut butter/white flour/etc. But giving up dairy(except greek yogurt) and processed foods has made such a difference! My body is much less bloated...in places I didn't know I was bloated! And my stomach is looking better and better the more time passes eating this way. Now I did cheat big time a few weekends ago, and I didn't gain a shit ton of weight or anything but good god man! I felt like complete shit. And now that's motivation enough to eat clean and not cheat. I don't want to feel like death again.

My exercise routines currently consists of a kettlebell/using my body weight to strength train/and running. I cancelled my gym membership---which was empowering! And for the most part, I'm in the best shape I've ever been in---definitely muscle wise! I have guns!

I still have a long way to go with my love/hate relationship with fitness(and my body). 

And I also have a long way to go with the way I eat and my overall lifestyle. But I'm not giving up. It's all a learning process of trial and error.


It took me a long time to write this because I'm constantly inspired by other health stories but most people have a drastic before and after story and they are uber-serious about everything. And those things aren't really me... But I am proud of how far I've come and wanted to share my story.
Thanks for reading!

My version of before and after.

xoxo